2011: Best of Lessons Learned

2011 was a Big Year for my personal growth, which makes me pretty excited to see what’s in store for 2012.  One thing you can always count on with life — there’s always another lesson to learn, if you’re willing.  The “Best of 2011 Lessons Learned” includes:

1.  Talk is even cheaper than I thought!

We all know the expression “talk is cheap” and life serves up examples regularly.  But this year it really sunk in that really all of the nonverbal communication I receive is more valuable than the words that fly out of peoples’ mouths so easily.  A related concept, that “People make time for what is important to them” kept popping up around me this year, and as I observed it’s absolutely true.  Instead of wondering why I can’t seem to get together with so-and-so, I observe that it’s not their priority and move on.  I used to talk a lot of talk about how important I think it is to live healthfully, but this year I realized that’s not terribly convincing when you’re packing an extra 30 pounds of pregnancy weight — and “baby” is two years old! 

2.  I can’t control anyone else, and by God if they can’t control me either!

I began the year on a big inquiry into how to help a family dealing with addiction, and in the course of my reading I stumbled upon an amazing book that opened my eyes to control issues among ALL people: Addict in the Family by Beverly Conyers.  Everyone should read this book!  It has completely changed my view of what “helping” is, and what control is all about.  The discussion of the dynamics of control in this book apply to life, universally — I can’t emphasize enough that this small book can have a powerful influence on all people, well beyond the scope of addiction.  A few months later, as these things happen, Martha Beck wrote an incredible article in “O” magazine about letting go of the idea that we can impose our will on anyone else.  People of the world would have lower stress levels and get more from their energy if they all read this article, How to Love More By Caring Less.  Coming to understand these concepts has saved me in a few ways: 1) I have a healthy level of detachment now from other peoples’ behavior that allows me to quietly observe instead of ratcheting up my energy in an effort to react or influence.  Bonus for the other person: I’m a much better listener when I’m not trying to shift the course of someone’s actions, and (another bonus for me) I’m keeping my energy free to move in the direction of my interests and priorities.  2)  I am coping better with changes in my family that seem designed to push me to the brink of madness — to wit, my sister moved back to Colorado after many years and two children, and my parents are heavy into the childcare for them.  Thank you, universe, you diabolical monster!  Just when I had come to terms with the concept that what other people do doesn’t affect me, I’m faced with a big discrepancy in how grandkids are treated.  I said I’m coping better, not that I’ve nailed it…  3)  I know that people can’t control me.  I have no patience now for victim stories, or tales of “so-and-so is mad at me…”  I’ve come to see and believe in 2011 that our perception is what seems to give other people power over us, but in fact we’re giving it away if we let that happen.  I have a relative by marriage who constantly tries to manipulate my family through guilt, which used to get me really worked up.  But now I know I don’t even have to react to it.  It’s not about me — it’s her “thing,” and I no longer respond to that behavior with an ounce of my energy.  Freedom!

3.  The body seeks to be healthy – if we just give it a chance, for Pete’s sake!

I know this isn’t for everyone, but I don’t care — this year I gave up dairy because I was feeling sluggish, my stomach was upset a lot, I had breakouts of psoriasis, I wasn’t sleeping well, and did I mention the 30-pounds of baby weight keeping me down?  I already knew that I was lactose intolerant, but by last November things had reached new levels of physical discomfort every time I ate cow-breastmilk-sourced foods.  The final straw was when I had my annual physical and learned that although my good-cholesterol number was stellar, my bad or LDL-cholesterol number was “borderline high.”  The physician said I should come back to re-test in six months and see about medication.  !!!  I read up on how to lower LDL-cholesterol naturally and weight loss was a recurring theme.  Luckily without dairy, my body seemed to go on weight-loss autopilot.  I can’t support this theory with any scientific studies, but I suspect that for years my body has been so preoccupied with trying to deal with dairy and the inflammation caused by dairy, things just weren’t able to work as efficiently as they were made to work.  Around January (after the holidays) I also made a conscious effort to drastically reduce my sugar consumption, and not only did my cravings eventually subside but I lost more weight.  All without going to the gym!  (Over the summer I did get up and go for a walk or a run a few mornings a week, but by that point I’d already lost 17 pounds!)  I’m sleeping better, I don’t have stomach pain, my psoriasis is 99% gone, and overall I lost 25 pounds.  (Five more to go…)  25 pounds in a year may not excite most people, but I’m not paranoid that I’ll re-gain the weight because over the course of a year there are the usual ups and downs of vacation and holiday weight-gain that I learned I didn’t have to fear because my body “readjusted” once I was back to my normal lifestyle.  This November I had my blood tested and lo and behold, my LDL-cholesterol is borderline optimal.  Score!  My condolences to the manufacturers of the drugs my doc was ready to prescribe.  Nah, I’m not really sorry. 

Anyway, I love taking some time out at the end of the year to reflect before I look forward to a list of resolutions for the new year.  I don’t even recall whether I made some resolutions last January, so I can’t tell if I’ve kept them, but I feel like life served up what I needed to learn anyway.  Perhaps I’ll move into 2012 with one goal in mind: be more joyful.  That should be sufficient.

*I’d like to emphasize that I do not in any way claim to have mastered any of these lessons.  As that intrepid militiaman G.I. Joe used to preach, knowing is half the battle.  Sometimes.

Advertisement