At any rate, he referred to the poem Desiderata and I was so glad to be reminded of it.  I love that the universe gives you hints along the way when you’re open to receiving them, and for me this line in particular was what I needed to remember that day: “Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

– Max Ehrmann 1927

I think I first saw it on Pinterest.  I’ve done my share of trying to be a square peg in a round hole and sometimes I indulge in a little sadness that I didn’t learn at age 6 (instead of thirty…something) that everyone’s talents are valuable — money, which is Man-made, isn’t an accurate measure of what is Good, Worthy, Necessary, Joyous, Beloved.  I experienced so much of my childhood and teens and twenties and early 30′s trying to figure out how to be more like _____, instead of revelling in what I am and building on my me-ness.  Better to learn now than not at all!

I posted my new year’s resolutions on Facebook this morning and although it was a lark, I think I’ll stick with them:

1.  Make mozzarella cheese at home

2.  Log some open studio hours at Ink Lounge, where I took a screenprinting class last year

3.  Learn to play guitar (or at least get the thing out of its case and work on chords once a month)

4.  Make cinnamon rolls fortnightly (possibly a new recipe each time?)

I’m through with punishing resolutions that are about NOT doing things.  Anyway, I’ve given up dairy and sugar so what’s left? 

Addendum: inspired by tonight’s movie, I should note that someday I want to wear long silk gloves!  They don’t have to be hot pink and covered with diamond bangles, but honestly would it hurt?  I don’t think so.

I hope that in this new year you spend time doing more of what makes you happy.  The Universe continues to make it clear that we haven’t got all the time in the world, each moment is a blessing, and you can’t take it with you — so here’s a virtual toast to kindness and caring and spending quality time with the people we love most.

Ornaments on the tree clustered densely within 2-year old's reach.

The Christmas Train at the Colorado Railroad Museum in Golden, Colorado.

Lights on the City and County Building in Denver.

Gingerbread men! I love piping Royal icing onto gingerbread.

1.  Talk is even cheaper than I thought!

We all know the expression “talk is cheap” and life serves up examples regularly.  But this year it really sunk in that really all of the nonverbal communication I receive is more valuable than the words that fly out of peoples’ mouths so easily.  A related concept, that “People make time for what is important to them” kept popping up around me this year, and as I observed it’s absolutely true.  Instead of wondering why I can’t seem to get together with so-and-so, I observe that it’s not their priority and move on.  I used to talk a lot of talk about how important I think it is to live healthfully, but this year I realized that’s not terribly convincing when you’re packing an extra 30 pounds of pregnancy weight — and “baby” is two years old! 

2.  I can’t control anyone else, and by God if they can’t control me either!

I began the year on a big inquiry into how to help a family dealing with addiction, and in the course of my reading I stumbled upon an amazing book that opened my eyes to control issues among ALL people: Addict in the Family by Beverly Conyers.  Everyone should read this book!  It has completely changed my view of what “helping” is, and what control is all about.  The discussion of the dynamics of control in this book apply to life, universally — I can’t emphasize enough that this small book can have a powerful influence on all people, well beyond the scope of addiction.  A few months later, as these things happen, Martha Beck wrote an incredible article in “O” magazine about letting go of the idea that we can impose our will on anyone else.  People of the world would have lower stress levels and get more from their energy if they all read this article, How to Love More By Caring Less.  Coming to understand these concepts has saved me in a few ways: 1) I have a healthy level of detachment now from other peoples’ behavior that allows me to quietly observe instead of ratcheting up my energy in an effort to react or influence.  Bonus for the other person: I’m a much better listener when I’m not trying to shift the course of someone’s actions, and (another bonus for me) I’m keeping my energy free to move in the direction of my interests and priorities.  2)  I am coping better with changes in my family that seem designed to push me to the brink of madness — to wit, my sister moved back to Colorado after many years and two children, and my parents are heavy into the childcare for them.  Thank you, universe, you diabolical monster!  Just when I had come to terms with the concept that what other people do doesn’t affect me, I’m faced with a big discrepancy in how grandkids are treated.  I said I’m coping better, not that I’ve nailed it…  3)  I know that people can’t control me.  I have no patience now for victim stories, or tales of “so-and-so is mad at me…”  I’ve come to see and believe in 2011 that our perception is what seems to give other people power over us, but in fact we’re giving it away if we let that happen.  I have a relative by marriage who constantly tries to manipulate my family through guilt, which used to get me really worked up.  But now I know I don’t even have to react to it.  It’s not about me — it’s her “thing,” and I no longer respond to that behavior with an ounce of my energy.  Freedom!

3.  The body seeks to be healthy – if we just give it a chance, for Pete’s sake!

I know this isn’t for everyone, but I don’t care — this year I gave up dairy because I was feeling sluggish, my stomach was upset a lot, I had breakouts of psoriasis, I wasn’t sleeping well, and did I mention the 30-pounds of baby weight keeping me down?  I already knew that I was lactose intolerant, but by last November things had reached new levels of physical discomfort every time I ate cow-breastmilk-sourced foods.  The final straw was when I had my annual physical and learned that although my good-cholesterol number was stellar, my bad or LDL-cholesterol number was “borderline high.”  The physician said I should come back to re-test in six months and see about medication.  !!!  I read up on how to lower LDL-cholesterol naturally and weight loss was a recurring theme.  Luckily without dairy, my body seemed to go on weight-loss autopilot.  I can’t support this theory with any scientific studies, but I suspect that for years my body has been so preoccupied with trying to deal with dairy and the inflammation caused by dairy, things just weren’t able to work as efficiently as they were made to work.  Around January (after the holidays) I also made a conscious effort to drastically reduce my sugar consumption, and not only did my cravings eventually subside but I lost more weight.  All without going to the gym!  (Over the summer I did get up and go for a walk or a run a few mornings a week, but by that point I’d already lost 17 pounds!)  I’m sleeping better, I don’t have stomach pain, my psoriasis is 99% gone, and overall I lost 25 pounds.  (Five more to go…)  25 pounds in a year may not excite most people, but I’m not paranoid that I’ll re-gain the weight because over the course of a year there are the usual ups and downs of vacation and holiday weight-gain that I learned I didn’t have to fear because my body “readjusted” once I was back to my normal lifestyle.  This November I had my blood tested and lo and behold, my LDL-cholesterol is borderline optimal.  Score!  My condolences to the manufacturers of the drugs my doc was ready to prescribe.  Nah, I’m not really sorry. 

Anyway, I love taking some time out at the end of the year to reflect before I look forward to a list of resolutions for the new year.  I don’t even recall whether I made some resolutions last January, so I can’t tell if I’ve kept them, but I feel like life served up what I needed to learn anyway.  Perhaps I’ll move into 2012 with one goal in mind: be more joyful.  That should be sufficient.

*I’d like to emphasize that I do not in any way claim to have mastered any of these lessons.  As that intrepid militiaman G.I. Joe used to preach, knowing is half the battle.  Sometimes.

Happy Thanksgiving, all y’all!  As you may have noticed, I’ve been neglecting this space.  I’m trying to clear lots of “old matters” off of my plate so that I can enjoy the holidays and experience the end of the year without old baggage created by procrastination and distraction.  I’ve been snapping photos and trying to make notes of things to share when I get my ducks in a row, which should be soon.  After all, this weekend heralds the arrival of The Holidays.

Looking forward to returning to The Dabbler with a spring in my step!  I hope the long holiday weekend finds you similarly re-energized and not bogged down with pie-related regrets.*

*I am blessed to not be that fond of the typical foods that are associated with Thanksgiving!  Christmas treats are an entirely different matter…  <sigh>

A few weeks later I was confronted with the reality of the fact that I had to do something with the apples or they would rot!  And so I borrowed my mom’s dehydrator to make some dried apple slices (not horribly gratifying when you see how little you end up with after drying the life out of them) and I made four quarts of applesauce.  That used up… half the apples.  I still have to dry and/or sauce the rest of them today.

Haste makes waste! Overfilling the food processor made a big mess. P.S. I like my applesauce smooth -- I'm excited that my Cuisinart does the trick so quickly.

Incidentally, having the apples hanging over my head led me to an “aha!” moment last week: I often behave in ways that make life more difficult than is strictly necessary.  Case in point: 1) I don’t really have a passion for making applesauce, 2) my kids only like it – they don’t LOVE it,  3) I’m sure my kids would be better off if I spent more time playing with them instead of trying to add more chores to my “to do” list.  Why did I feel compelled to buy four packages of apples?  That was 56 apples.  I have since given myself permission to simply buy the applesauce.  If a day should arise that making applesauce is a joy or a necessity and not a burden, I will do it again.  My mom froze 16 quarts of gorgeous pink applesauce with apples from an organic farm – and she was genuinely happy to do it!  In the meantime I have to marshal my energy behind the pursuit of what makes me tick right now: enjoying the time I have with my kids while they are little and creating a happy, healthy, creative, organized life.

Having said all that… the applesauce is really good. 

About ten years ago I covered the chair in a stretchy dark red fabric.  It was the very first time I had ever taken anything apart and re-covered it, and I only laid the new fabric over the old and kind of tucked things in where I had to.  The fabric stretched perfectly so after some fussing, I was able to create a nice smooth, puckerless finish.

The backrest is only crooked because I removed one screw before thinking to take a photo!

Not so with the unfortunate fabric choice I made this time!  I found this gorgeous blue and white patterned fabric at JoAnn’s and had a coupon.  It’s an outdoor fabric, so I thought “It’ll stand up to all the wear and tear my tiny tots can dish out!”  Alas, what I should have been thinking about was the fact that this fabric has no stretch.  Trying to smooth it out over the corners of the chair was impossible.  This was the least satisfying, most frustrating DIY project I’ve undertaken in a long time and I was humbled to realize that I have no patience anymore.  For shame!

This kind of fold is what I wanted desperately to avoid. Boo!

Saggy backrest, bunchy seat - this gal's a hot mess!

I’m hoping my mom can bail me out on this one with some tips and tricks she’s learned from doing honest-to-goodness reupholstery projects in the past.  I don’t want to have to give up this patterned fabric — but it’s clear that the situation cannot go unremedied.  Poor chair!  I have dishonored you!

Colorado got snow on Wednesday.  Since the forecast called for a return to the mid-50′s by the weekend, I just savored it.  It was good to have a deadline for finally cleaning up the garden (boy I’m glad I don’t have a big one), putting away the sand toys (boy I’m glad we only have a small one) and winterizing the chicken coop (so convenient that it’s only an extension-cord away from the house/outlets!).  Lots of tree damage around the neighborhood but we only lost one branch from our biggest tree and it had the decency to land somewhere harmless.

Much further north of the city, my parents were without electricity all day — from when they woke up until 9PM!  Luckily their camper was accessible and had battery plus propane power to keep them warm.

My poor confused chickens didn’t know what to make of their first run-in with white, cold weather.  Bless their hearts, something is wrong with those girls — even on a snowy night of 32-degrees, they hadn’t the sense to go into their henhouse to roost in the warmth of their heat lamp!

The nice thing about a brief interlude with early snow like this is that we know it will melt quickly and things will dry up again soon.  In the meantime it’s been a reminder of all of the things that I meant to resolve from last winter — especially a lack of enormous rugs at all of the doors we’ll be using to get back into the house wearing clunky, snowy boots and heavy, wet clothes.  Oh L.L. Bean, why must your enormous waterhog mat cost $89.50?

As soon as the weather turns I start wishing that I could take a little drive to Bayne’s for some of these goodies.  And yet… it’s a 1,200 mile distance from where I live now.  <sigh>  It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a fall trip to Michigan, but on past visits Grandma and I made a point of swinging by.  I can smell the cider now…

What fun to open the front door on a day that you’re not expecting any deliveries (say, a three-hole punch from Amazon.com or… something more interesting and fancy) only to find a package on your doorstep, then to discover all of this seasonal goodness inside.  Incredibly, the doughnuts were still gloriously sugary and not yet at the point when the moisture from the doughnuts starts to suck the life out of the topping.  I knew time was of the essence.  Throwing caution to the wind (even though it was just an hour until dinner!) I let the kids split one.  They each had a whole doughnut at breakfast the next morning!  They must have thought mommy had gone nuts — I’m usually pretty conservative on the sugar front!  My husband and I made sure to include doughnuts in our meals over the next few days — it was our duty to respect them by not letting them get stale.  We honored their cidery goodness by eating them slowly, often with coffee.

Curiously, my little boy wouldn’t try a piece of caramel apple.  Fear not, friends — I’ve got him signed up to undergo a panel of psychiatric examinations at the University of Colorado hospital next week.

P.S. I know this seems impossible in the digital age (where even the farmers who run my C.S.A. have a blog), but it seems that Bayne’s doesn’t have their own website anymore.  Go figure…

*I want to assure everyone, including my dear Grandma, that I actually already knew that she loves me.  I’ve known for years — since I was just an itty bitty little thing, really!